Why I’m Taking a Break from Hosting Events

I’m Done.

After hosting over 15 orgies and 4 socials in the last 5 years, holding space, creating magic, and keeping the fire alive—I’m done.

I'm not hosting any more parties. No more sexy events. For the time being. I'm giving myself a break with no planned return date. 

Actually I'm giving myself more then an event planning break, taking back my love for a community. 

Why?

Because I’m tired. I’m given-out. I’ve poured so much of myself—time, energy, money, care, vision—into something that rarely gave back. I'm an endless portal of love, sharing, generosity. I'm just naturally a giver. 

For over a decade, I’ve been a pillar in this industry and worked hard to be recognized as such. A constant. Someone everyone could rely on. Someone who knows everybody, someone who connects people together. Building these moments was my labour of love, my way to hold spaces that didn't really exist. And yet, I can’t say I’ve ever had the same in return.

Every event, I put in the work—all of it. The planning. The marketing. The money up front. The emotional labor. The cleaning. The aftermath. Actually that part is the easy part. The hard part isn't the planning and the budgets. It's the participating parties that didn't do the work, that waited in entitlement and take for granted that these spaces will exist forever. The hard part is what i considered the even-easier part, just sharing it. And I’ve done these events because I believed in something bigger than myself. I believed that maybe if i put it all out there, upfront, people would see and understand the work, and just help promote it. There is no care. There is no reciprocity of efforts made.

What I get in return, time over time, event after event is Entitlement. Chaos. Jealousy. Backstabbing. Laziness. Disrespect. Taking it all for Granted. People who take, and take, and take—without ever giving back. Not a dime, neither a minute. I clearly got blind sighted by the potential of what a community can do together, for the fun, the sexies but also the authentic connections.

I created something i found beautiful and pure. And I know it meant a lot to many of you. But behind the scenes, it was fucking lonely. It was fucking exhausting. And it was often heartbreaking.

So here it is: I’m entering my selfish era.

Done with people-pleasing. Done with trying to hold together a community that clearly acts like it doesn’t want to be put together in the first place. Done with the bitchy-ness, the cliques, the performative support, the performative relationships...

From now on, I’m strictly working with people I value. People I trust. People I truly care about. I care too much to keep wasting it on those who don’t give a shit in return.

I don’t care if I’m liked anymore. I’m keeping my circle small, intentional, protected. I spent years proving my worth, proving how much I care, proving how much love I have to give and share. If people don't want it, fine, i'll build it more in myself, share it to people who matter.

We’re in a numerological year 9—and that doesn’t exclude me. I’m breaking away from a decade of bad habits, of self-sacrificing, of doing everything for everyone else while being slowly eaten alive by the hunger of others.

No more.

And please—don’t go hunting for who did what. This isn’t about one person or one moment. It’s an accumulation, a decade of accumulated deceptions, pains, betrayals, fake friendships; God i even had my identity stolen by provider i considered a close friend. This is the sum of a pile-up of small and big incidents (some trauma causing), of entitlement, of conflicts, of people putting in zero effort while putting in a lot of energy to just sit, feed off the spaces I made, get what they wanted, and leave—no care, no reciprocity.

I used to love doing this, bringing people together. It's just such a huge part of who I am. I used to feel inspired. Now it feels like a performance I’m expected to give—because “that’s what I do." I have to preserve my love and give it to people who are worth it. 

I have a full life, as many of you know. I host events professionally—for swingers, for artists, for the movie industry. This isn’t a failure of logistics or management at all. I’m more than capable. I've proven so over 15 flawless events that creates so many inside jokes and memories for all. The difference is that in those other facets of my life, I’m supported. The people involved care and they are grateful.

And to the clients: you are wonderful. Thanks for always showing up with the best attitude, openness and open heart. You made the events what they were. In the end, it really was for all of you. Thank you. I’m so sorry I have to pull the plug—but it’s for my sanity, for my peace, for my survival. We can create moments on our own. It breaks my heart to be in this position. I wish i didn't have to get to this point. 

I’m still continuing my other forms of work. This is not me disappearing—it’s just me protecting my energy. I’m taking an indefinite break from event hosting and involvement in the community.

Maybe I’ll come back. Or maybe I’ll just host smaller, quieter events with the people who love me back the same way I love them.

This isn’t a cry for help. This is a boundary. A release.

To those who truly showed up: thank you. You know who you are. You’re rare, and I see you.
To those who only took: good luck.

The era of me carrying this on my back is over.

If you want community and can't build it. Sustain it. It's the least you can do. Don’t just feed off the ones who always do the work. 

This is me also pulling the plug on : 
Incall Space Rentals
I will no longer be managing, hosting or opening incall locations for others to work in. I've been putting endless amounts of money to keep affordable spaces for everyone to work from. I'm done, you guys clearly have no idea of the upfront costs, financial stress and management it takes to create such spaces. Having these places disrespected, broken down and stolen from, not cool. There is not a single amount of care given to shared spaces.

Social Events : 
Every event, social or sexy, cost me thousands upfront. To then have the flaky-est unreliable people not even show up when they said they would, is so disrespectful. Basically feeding off the marketing of the event to get attention, confirm presence and then ghost, how lovely. Or to come to my event i hustled so much to put together and have them solicitate clients into an orgy next door and leave with half the room an hour into the event. Thanks "friends".

It's a lot of grief to continuously realize people aren't sincere in this industry, and they weren't really your friends, they were just there to feed off you. I am mourning.